As the chief executive of a national law firm in New Zealand, Meryll Waters found herself at the pinnacle of her career, managing a team of over 100 and putting in 60-plus hour weeks. It’s a familiar story for many high-achievers who think success comes without sacrifice. But Meryll’s journey took a steep turn, leading her to confront the toll her relentless work ethic was taking on her wellbeing.
The Descent into Burnout
Like many people who experience burnout, Water’s didn’t happen overnight. Rather, it was the result of years of accumulated stress and a deep-seated belief that she had to solve every problem around her.
“I’m a fixer,” Waters says. “So I want to fix everything about everyone when they tell me they have an issue.”
This drive to be everything to everyone, combined with the demands of her high-profile position, created a perfect storm.
The tipping point came in the aftermath of the 2011 Christchurch earthquakes. As her firm navigated the challenges of relocating offices and supporting staff through a crisis, Waters found herself stretched thinner than ever.
“I never, ever stopped until my mental health sabbatical to think what impact it actually had on me or to find out what impact it had on me,” she says. “And what I didn’t appreciate was it had a huge impact and I didn’t know it.”
Waters shared her story with ROW for the 100 Conversations About Burnout project
The Breaking Point
Waters says her burnout point was both sudden and overwhelming. She describes it as a moment when she “just stopped functioning.” Emotions began to surface uncontrollably, her decision-making abilities faltered, and she found herself unable to engage in tough conversations – a crucial aspect of her role.
“I basically left my job almost in an instant,” Waters says. “I couldn’t work, I couldn’t function, I couldn’t think straight. I physically felt like I was… All I could do was lie down, sleep, you know, everything just stopped for me.”
Even in this state, Waters initially resisted acknowledging the severity of her situation. She had always been the person who was “okay,” and the idea that she might need more than just a brief break was difficult to accept. It took the intervention of family, friends, and colleagues for Waters to realise the gravity of her condition.
The Journey to Recovery
Waters’s path to recovery was not quick or easy. She says she took a “mental health sabbatical” that lasted about a year. During this time, she engaged in therapy, which she found transformative despite initial resistance.
“I often said to her along our way that, you know, I can’t believe that I’m sitting here doing this,” Waters says of her therapist. “It was the most wonderful experience to go through and it set me up for what came next.”
This period of recovery allowed Waters to confront some hard truths about herself and her approach to work and life. She realised that her drive for control and her inability to delegate had contributed significantly to her burnout.
Moreover, she discovered that her work habits had led to a disconnection from her family and friends. “My very best girlfriend came in and told me exactly the same thing. She never knew whether I was hearing what she was saying,” Waters says.
What you need to know
Waters has gathered some powerful insights through her recovery journey that she hopes can help others. Here’s what she would want you to know:
- Be present: It’s so important to be mentally present, not just physically there, in your relationships. Being truly engaged makes all the difference, both at work and at home.
- Know yourself: Take the time to really understand your tendencies and triggers. When you recognize patterns—like wanting to solve everyone else’s problems—you can manage stress better and steer clear of burnout.
- You’re not indispensable: No one is irreplaceable. It’s okay to step back for your own wellbeing. Sometimes, taking a break is what you—and your workplace—really need.
- Trust your team: Learn to delegate and trust your team. Letting go of some control not only lightens your load but also empowers others to grow.
- Embrace vulnerability: Don’t shy away from sharing your struggles. Being open about your experiences can create a supportive environment and help destigmatize mental health issues at work. You might just inspire someone else to reach out for help.
- Redefine success: Take a moment to think about what success truly means to you. It might not fit the traditional mold. Focus on what brings you joy and fulfillment instead.
Waters also reflects on the gender-specific aspects of her burnout experience. As a woman in a C-suite position in a male-dominated industry, she felt additional pressure to prove herself and avoid showing any signs of weakness.
“I always felt it was not okay because I had gender bias, unrecognised bias, but it exists in my role and in the business that I undertook,” Waters says.
She notes that while attitudes are changing, there’s still work to be done in creating environments where women feel comfortable discussing mental health issues without fear of judgment or career repercussions.
A New Chapter: From CEO to Consultant
After her burnout experience, Waters made the decision not to return to her previous high-pressure role. Instead, she transitioned into consultancy work, allowing her to apply her skills and experience in a way that better aligned with her newfound priorities.
“I made some big decisions about how my life would be going forward,” Waters says. “And out of that came my desire to go into consultancy and live my life differently.”
This transition wasn’t without its challenges. Waters had to learn to navigate a new way of working and to identify which aspects of her previous role she truly enjoyed. However, this process of discovery has led her to a place where she can say, “I’m so fortunate that the work that I do, I love it all.”
Advice for Others
Drawing from her experience, Waters offers several pieces of advice for others, particularly those in high-pressure leadership positions:
- Recognise your limits: Understand that you are not indispensable and that it’s okay to step away when needed.
- Practice self-care: Waters emphasises the importance of spending time with yourself and engaging in practices like journaling to process your thoughts and feelings.
- Build strong relationships: Focus on developing genuine connections with colleagues and team members, as these relationships can be crucial support systems.
Hope is help
Waters’s journey through burnout isn’t just about the challenges she faced, it’s about the lessons she learned along the way too. Emerging from this experience, she says she’s gained a fresh perspective on work, life, and wellbeing.
“There are always good things on the other side. They may look different, but they can help you become a stronger individual who enjoys life more.”
Her story emphasises the importance of self-care, the value of being open about struggles, and the need for colleagues to watch out for one another.
As workplaces continue to deal with stress and burnout, Waters’s experience reminds us to recognise the signs early and support each other – especially when the going gets tough.
